It was the Night of the Woman at the Golden Globes in Los Angeles, as co-hosts Tina Fey and Amy Poehler kicked a**. And looked glamorous while doing it.
Witty, irreverent, at times scathing, the funny gals not only knocked it out of the park, they gave hope to all of us who usually dread these awards ceremonies because of the lame jokes and lackluster hosts. There was nothing lame or lackluster Sunday night.
Fey changed into that gown for her hosting duties, making a crack about how she had starved for six weeks to get into it, prompting a rejoinder by Poehler that the next six weeks were going to be dedicated to pie (play on words from movie title “Life of Pi”). Beforehand, Fey was wearing a soignée black-and-white mid-calf frock by L’Wren Scott, which I’m not going to post because we have tons of other gowns to get through.
The new “it” color, oxblood red, was on luscious display, with Taylor Swift winning the contest hands-down:
I guess maybe that’s more a maroon than oxblood. Whatever; it was one of the most sophisticated gowns of the night. A Donna Karan.
A satin gown in a similar vein by Zac Posen was the choice for the more zaftig Lena Dunham, who said she’s a friend of the designer:
Red was big, big, big on the similarly hued carpet, with lots of gorgeous examples.
People made a fuss over another Zac Posen gown, this one worn by Naomi Watts . . .
with a cut-out back . . .
but I’m not so sure about it. The color is indeed wonderful, and the gown surely kept her warmer than her colleagues on an unseasonably chilly LA night, but the front was kind of nun-ish; and I think that kind of a back is, frankly, not very flattering. On anyone. But to each his own.
Also in the red department was the knock-out gown by Dior Haute Couture worn by Jennifer Lawrence:
You might remember the simple, plain red gown she wore for the 2011 Academy Awards, filled out by her stunning figure. Well, this Dior gown was more grown-up, more elegant, with a petal bust and an unexpected slim black belt, in a spectacular shade that combined red, pink, and coral all at once.
Zooey Deschanel was also in a full-skirted red ball gown (Oscar de la Renta), though she didn’t quite seem to know how to carry herself in it:
There were a lot of thigh-high slits, which drove me crazy. And, of course, reminded me of la belle Jolie’s nutty pose last year at the Academy Awards. Listen, ladies, we get it: you’re stunners. You have great gams. We know it. We expect it. And there are times when a dress like that works (see Lea Michele, further down). But in general, it’s too much. It’s overkill. It’s distracting. It screams, “Look at me!” when you’re already so gorgeous everyone is already looking at you. And when it’s combined with a neckline plunging to the waist, well, it just looks like you got caught in a shredder. Yes, Eva Longoria, I’m talking to you:
Longoria’s dress was by Pucci. It was rather freakish.
Also in the too-much-leg category were Halle Berry in an Atelier Versace mishmash . . .
and star of “Smash” Katharine McPhee in Theyskens Theory:
Also Louise Roe—eeek:
GG readers know that I’m not crazy about black, but I have to say that Nicole Kidman’s Alexander McQueen was simply spectacular:
Yes, I know she’s skinny—and if you look that skinny on TV, believe me, you’re way skinnier in real life—but hot damn she looked great. That gown was one of my favorites of the evening; the photo doesn’t do it justice.
That was the case with several gowns—you had to see them on the big screen, as it were, and in motion, to appreciate them. Such as this sequined Gucci worn by the so-beautiful-she’s-hard-to-look-at Salma Hayek:
Isla Fisher’s Reem Acra gown was delicate and subtle, but again, you lose some of that subtlety in this picture:
Michelle Dockery of GG’s beloved “Downtwon Abbey” was wearing a white and gold Alexandre Vauthier that had people buzzing, but I didn’t like it. With that high neck and shoulder pads, I thought it looked like a sci-fi costume:
Sienna Miller, up for an award for her role as Tippi Hedren in “The Girl” (with the superb Toby Jones as Hitchcock) was in a white two-piece column, with wacky, chenille-looking puffs hanging off it. It looked like a 1950s kitchen curtain:
Also swinging and missing, big time, were two exceptionally beautiful stars, Jessica Chastain and Rachel Weisz. Chastain, who has an absolutely killer figure, was in a blousy, droopy pale blue Calvin Klein that made it look like her perky breasts were hanging down to her waist:
And Rachel Weisz, what were you thinking?!
Then again, given how much ugly stuff Louis Vuitton produces, I guess we shouldn’t be surprised.
Jennifer Lopez was in another of her favorites, a skintight Zuhair Murad, and I have to say—va-va-va-voom!
I didn’t think the lovely Kate Hudson’s Alexander McQueen worked at all:
And though Anne Hathaway’s Chanel was classic, pure, Old World elegant, it bothered me that it didn’t seem to have a waist. It kind of smushed her body together into a straight line:
Navy blue was also a big color. Here’s Jodie Foster in Armani:
And here’s Glenn Close in another Zac Posen (she wore something very similar, only in forest green, last year) at the Oscars):
The great Oscar de la Renta came through again, in this magnificent coral gown worn by Jessica Alba:
Oh, and I promised a slit dress that worked—this Elie Saab worn by Lea Michele:
What is with Kathryn Bigelow?? She looked—again—like a mess. She can’t seem to find anyone to do her hair, and that gown is like something from a bargain basement sale:
She looked just as bad at the 2011 Oscars; I won’t strain your eyes with the pictures.
Alyssa Milano wore a screeching yellow schmatte that billowed this way and that. Yikes:
But Amy Adams was perfection in a nude Marchesa with a mermaid silhouette:
Anna Gunn of “Breaking Bad” was a disappointment in a gown that looked more appropriate for a luau:
But Shaun Robinson was a dream in a brilliant emerald green gown by Pamella Roland:
Recalling the pale blue of Jessica Chastain’s gown, Rosario Dawson also opted for that color in a gown that likewise didn’t work—not flattering to her figure:
Julia-Louis Dreyfus wore a traditional strapless full-skirted ball gown by Vera Wang that, unfortunately, swallowed her up. The print was also kind of blah:
Also being consumed by her dress was Lucy Liu in Carolina Herrera. I wanted to like this gown, I really did. But something about the huge bold print with that huge full skirt, recalling the glorious “New Look” of 1947 Christian Dior, just didn’t work:
There were many more gowns worthy of mention, but I’m tuckered out. You can find slideshows all over the web. Tell me what you think of the Golden Globe gowns in the comments.